Confession before Execution
by Goth Senshi Pheonyx
Summary: almost a year after the last war ended, Quatre feels the need to tell something how he feels and what the problems are that he's going through r


Confession before Execution  
  
Genre: angst. Go figure  
  
a/n: since it seems to be apparent that no one seems to be enjoying anything that I write for my favorite pilot, I thought I'd try my hand at everyone's favorite little Arab boy, Quatre!  
  
~*~  
  
Well, I don't actually know how to start this. I guess I'll just start writing about something, anything. But I don't know if I want anything to know what I'm feeling right now and that includes a machine like a computer.  
  
Maybe I should just start going on about how I feel about the other pilots now that I know them more, and it's been almost a year since we destroyed our gundams.  
  
But, it's just that . . . oh I don't know. Maybe something that I did to get them mad at each other and mainly me; it just seems to me that everything I do, or don't do, or try to do always end up like crap.  
  
I tried; I seriously tried to make everything work. But I guess it doesn't matter to anyone except for me. First, I talked with Trowa about everything and got him to open up more, but even then it just seemed like he was holding the world back when I wanted him to tell me something. I guess I said something wrong and now he's irate, but what can I do? I'll just make it worse, even if I'm trying to explain anything to him.  
  
Duo's just Duo, and there's nothing I can do at all. I listen to him all the time; he usually talks about this girl he really likes and about a band that he's in. It does get tiring after a while to hear the same things, but I've told him to say something else and he won't. He gets so pissed off at me every time I try to counteract anything. I feel as if sometimes he wants to beat me up when I try to correct him on something or want to talk about something else.  
  
But what's worse is Wufei. Yeah, I became really close to him which may or may not surprise anyone. But it was just like he wanted to do whatever I did and be the perfect little clone.  
  
Maybe it was because he never really had anyone to be there for him before. I don't know. And it's really depressing to see him go through all this stuff and then turn around and blame everything on me.  
  
I get blamed for everything that happened with the Eve wars, Vulkanus, and the revolution that almost started thanks to that little girl (can't spell name so not putting it) and now it just seems that even my own sisters are putting the blame of everything that happened, does happen, and will happen to them on my shoulders!  
  
Even Heero has done it to me and I don't know why.  
  
All of the pilots have blamed me for everything. Everyone blames me for all of their bad luck, misadventure, and terrible past. I can't take it anymore.  
  
I wish I did die on the battlefield early on in the wars so then I wouldn't have to go through all the crap I'm going through now.  
  
Yes. That's what I'll do. I'll just end it all. It's not like anyone's going to notice except for the housekeeper who thinks of me as nothing more than a spoiled brat who knows nothing about the outside world.  
  
So, this will be my goodbye to anyone who does happen upon it.  
  
I guess this computer does have something important within its grasp. How I feel before I go off like a coward and commit suicide because I can't take what you've done to me! Every last one of you people who have blamed me for anything. And don't say that you never did! You did, so don't lie.  
  
Heh; another advantage; it can't show emotions. So, goodnight, goodbye, and see you on the other side. I'll go off and find something to kill myself with now.  
  
~Quatre  
  
~*~  
  
Note: this was . . . um . . . just a thing I thought up in about twenty minutes and the little box thingy in Microsoft Word still has that little check on the notebook so I guess it goes well. Tell me what you think. Oh, and by the way, this is NOT the sequel to 'Why?', I'll write that another time, that is, if I feel like pouring my own bleeding heart into another worthless story that no one reviews anyways so I don't know if anyone reads anything I do.  
  
*Pheonyx*  
  
"I don't fight bleeding hearts or women, you are too weak." And that is right, but I fight myself, my own weakness, my own bleeding heart. 


End file.
